Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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