remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
