I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself