Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
