You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
