my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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