Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
