he wants to bone in the snuggie
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
