Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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