What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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