All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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