how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...