If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.