Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive