it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
