Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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