I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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