my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
