Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize