my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
