I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
