I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
