I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
