WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
