Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
