it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
