32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
