now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
