when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
