She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
