i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
