I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
