walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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