3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
