I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
