I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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