I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
