i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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