the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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