Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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