Little spoons don't ask big questions
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
