if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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