evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
