You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
