i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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