New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
