Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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