Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
