I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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