1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Text me some of your sweat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
