Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
