Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
