Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
