New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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