I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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