I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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