As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
