I'm jealous of your bromance
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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