I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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